Hello! We are still here. Why didn’t anyone tell me that the first three months of toddlerhood would be as hard as having a newborn? Seriously. We had this baby thing down. And then, suddenly, we most definitely did not. Lucy transformed–it felt like overnight–from a relatively gentle and mild-tempered child into a running, shrieking, poo-eating, pissed-off tyrant. I was not prepared for the change, and it was tough on all the levels. I felt as though I had done something wrong, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Our “baby-proofed” home turned into a house of horrors, and our beautiful yard became a toxic minefield of hazards. At the park, all she wanted to do was eat wood chips and hug dogs and strangers. At grandma’s house, charge headlong down the stairs and play with fireplace tools. The last couple of months have been nonstop–fraught with anxiety but full of love and fun, too. We are still here, and we are getting the hang of it.
Lucy’s second summer was bursting with firsts. Her first steps got surer and faster every day, and now she runs everywhere on her long, sturdy legs. She finally got some teeth, and now they are coming in strong–and sharp. She understands so much–which she demonstrates by either doing what we say (“Lucy, go get your ball!”) or impishly shaking her head and running, giggling, in the other direction (“Lucy, come get your diaper on!”) She went on her first airplane trip this August, when we flew to Las Vegas and then drove on to Arizona to celebrate her sisters’ birthdays and visit with family. She has learned to make animal noises and use a spoon, sort of. She takes big bites of toast, pizza, bananas, and whatever else she can get her teeth on. She gives the best, tightest hugs and the sweetest kisses. She says, “Mama,” at last. It is such perfect music–even when it’s delivered with dramatic sobs because I won’t let her eat toilet paper or drink my coffee. She is becoming herself. I guess I could say she is becoming more independent, but I’m struck by how little meaning that phrase has until you see it in action.
I am starting to relax a little again, and to revel in her delight at the widening freedom she finds every day. I am amazed by her growth. I can enjoy it now that I am not so constantly terrified of it. She is adjusting to new capabilities and limits, and I am learning to be comfortable with this small person on the loose.
And so we settle in, cautiously content while anticipating the next wave of change. The season is changing, too; fall is here, and I am glad. I love the slanted light and the smoky air. Lucy loves the big, bright moon and the crows. It is cool enough to turn the oven on and bake. We are busy in the kitchen; she reorganizes the pantry, bringing me soy sauce and an unopened box of tapioca while I make cookies. I stop frequently: to comfort her when she drops a can of beans on her toe, to pry from her jaws some bit of crud she has found on the floor, to admire the lid or container or spice jar she wants to show me. I tried letting her stand on a chair to help me mix in chocolate chips, but she thought it would be better to remove them from the dough by the fistful. She’s not so grown up, not yet. Soon enough. I can wait…and I can’t wait. It’s the strangest thing.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
These are my favorite cookies of all time. I have made two batches in the last three weeks and am almost ready for more. We have been eating quite a lot of cookies lately. Recipes for chocolate chip cookies usually call for equal amounts of white and brown sugar. I was out of brown sugar, so I used extra white sugar and added some molasses (which I did have, for some reason), per the conversion chart in one of my cookbooks. The results were just as good as the original. I also believe chocolate chip cookies are better with nuts. I usually use walnuts, but I was out of those, too. I used cashews in one batch and almonds in the other. Obviously, since we have polished off six dozen cookies in three weeks, these substitutions worked out just fine.
Ingredients:
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup each white and brown sugar OR 1 cup white sugar plus 1 tbsp molasses
1 cup (two sticks) butter, softened
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
12 oz (1 package) chocolate chips
1 cup chopped nuts
Directions:
Preheat oven to 375°. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt in a small bowl and set aside. In a large mixing bowl, beat together butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs to butter mixture one at a time, beating after each addition. Beat in vanilla. Gradually add the flour mixture to the wet batter and mix well. (Add about 1/3 cup of the dry ingredients at a time and mix after each addition to minimize the faceful of flour you get when you turn on the beaters. Or mix by hand.) Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.
Drop spoonfuls of dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake cookies for 9-12 minutes, until they are golden brown. Cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
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